The first holiday I spent in Korea was Thanksgiving but as it fell mid-week I was occupied with school.
Christmas (which fell almost exactly at the three month mark, usually a rough time to begin with, culture shock-wise) was hard, but bearable. Having celebrated Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with new friends lessened my “homesickness”.
As time goes on, being away from home becomes easier… but…
But it’s the special, in-between-the-holidays moments that come and go… the weddings, the birthdays, the impromptu gatherings and reunions, the niece-and-nephew milestones and new baby news… it’s those moments that make my heart ache from time-to-time and bring forth a sudden tidal wave of emotion.
I’ve said it before: culture shock comes in waves. Subsequent waves are not as strong as those in the very beginning, but the highs tend to follow emotional lows often “triggered” by seemingly minor events.
This morning I spoke on the phone with a group of friends (gathered together for one of my best college friends’ wedding) I haven’t seen in many months, some in years. Friends who haven’t all been in the same room at the same time, themselves, some for years.
It was: joyful, fun, funny. A blast. It was immediately comfortable yet simultaneously awkward. So much has happened since our last meeting. How do I answer your questions? How do I sum up my life, my joys and sorrows, how do I explore my excitements and frustrations, my highs and lows, in a ten-or-less word answer? I don’t believe I’ve made a mistake in coming here, but in an instant, I feel the strain on relationships that results from living halfway across the world.
Tomorrow is a new day. And no, it’s not all about me. I don’t know what I’d do if I wasn’t connected 24/7 via the internet to people that speak my language– literally and figurately. I’m thankful I can open up Skype or pick up the phone and so easily chat with the best of friends.
I will allow these feelings to wash over me, accept them, and let them go as they came. Do the best I can to maintain my relationships and to be the best friend, daughter, sister I can. Explore and enjoy life this side of the world, then go home an improved version of the gal who landed at ICN in September 2010.
Still: you can’t wrap this all up in a cute little package with a bow. I can’t just put a band-aid on it and magically feel better. Did I say the right thing? The wrong thing? Should I have sent more cards, letters? I should have absolutely DEMANDED my vacation time from my VP at a time that is not contractually allowed. Argh. No. No regrets.
Please know: I want to be there with all my heart.
I know tomorrow will be a beautiful day in Green Bay. I wish I could be there, but more so than my desire to teleport, I am excited and extremely privileged to be a part of the lives of my friends whose love is as unconditional as it gets and whose lives are going amazing and wonderful places.
… Friends who put up with my absence, seem genuinely interested in my adventures abroad and always always welcome me home with open arms and hearts and ears and guest rooms.
fiat lux 